Out of Control
by BaloneyMaloney1
Summary: The Jonas Brothers fame hit an All time high, but what happens when their fame is cut short with an unexpected death? How will the family cope?
1. Chapter 1

I stood in the rain and watched as everybody's head hung low. Everyone was in black. Solid Black. Everything was blurry. It was either the rain or tears. Maybe a combination of both. Why did this happen to me? Why me? The 15 year old boy still trying to find my way through life. Why? What had i done to deserve this? We all seemed happy, until yesterday. It was all my fault. If only i hadn't been so stupid, maybe my brother would still be here. Still smiling his usual smile. Thinking these thoughts, tears began to fall harder. It was impossible to see. I could hear everyone else's cries around me. My mom, dad, and now 2 brothers. Why did i have to get mad and run away? If he just would have left me alone, i would have come back. Everything was perfect. Now it was ruined. The band and the family. Life would never be the same. I realized that they had begun to lower the casket. He was now gone forever. Kevin was dead.


	2. Chapter 2

The funeral had ended. Families had said their goodbyes and expressed their grief. It's kind of hard whne tons of people come and and say "i'm so sorry for your loss, it must be hard." They really have no idea. Leaving a brother behind is the hardest thing i've ever had to do. The band was no longer. No one could ever replace Kevin. It was all my fault.  
"Lets go man. We gotta go back to the house..." Joe said trying to hold back tears, "to box up his stuff."  
"It's all my fault." i said.  
"Nobody could have stopped this Nick. He was hit by a drunk driver. No one planned this." Joe said.  
"No. you dont get it. Kevin was coming for me. I got angry and left the house. If i just would have stayed home, Kevin would still be here!" i started crying. Joe took me in his arms and held me tight.  
"Listen, it's not your fault. things like this just happen." he said trying to comfort me. it wasn't working,  
"I can't do it. This is too much."i said releasing my grip from Joe.  
"what do you mean?" joe asked.  
"just leave me. i'll be home later." i said as i started to walk away.  
"Nick!" Joe yelled.  
"Leave me alone!" i yelled.  
Joe silenced. i kept walking. i don't know where, but i couldnt stay here. Anywhere was better than here. i kept walking until i came up upon a another family. I real family. They wre laughing and having fun playing in the rain. I had that, but then i went and got my brother killed. how could i be so stupid? i went passed the family and silently began to cry again. I couldnt do this. not now. i ruined everything. The band, the family, everything. I soon came upon my house and noticed people in Kevins room going through his things. They were being put in boxes. i walked up to the door and went inside.  
"Oh Nick! i was worried about you!!!" my mom was crying.  
"i told Joe i was walking." i mumbled.  
"i don't care! go to your room and get changed. i dont want you getting sick." she yelled.  
i walked upstairs and past kevins room. Joe was sitting on kis bed, holding a picture of the 3 of us from the beach.  
"He was always so happy" Joe said.  
"i know..." i replied.  
"why Kevin? why not some other brother? why our brother!!?!" joe cried hard now.  
"like you said. it's no one's fault." i said walking out of the room. i knew it was my fault. i needed someway to get over the pain. i walked into the bathroom and shut the door. i locked the door and slid down pulling my knees in tight. i let it go. i cried. Harder than i'd ever cried before. Crying wouldnt solve my pain though. i looked up and saw a small razor blade on the counter top. i grabbed it quickly and leaned over the toilet. i'd never done this befor, so i dind't know what to do. i quickly slid the blade over my wrist, letting the warm red liquid fall below. The pain stopped. Relief at last. i felt better. i quickly wpied up my arma dn flushed to the toilt with the remains of blood. i pulled my sleeve down past the cut and cleaned off the blade. i walked out of the bathroom to see Joe again.  
"you alright nick?" he asked concerned.  
"fine." i said walking back to my room. i walked in and sat on my bed. i thought about what i had just done.

Hey, it wasn't so bad.


	3. Chapter 3

I lay down on my bed staring at the ceiling. Cutting me was never something I ever thought I'd do. But that sad part was, I enjoyed it. It made me feel better. My pain just went away. All my pain for Kevin, seeing my mother cry like that, it was all just... GONE.  
I awoke the next morning to hear absolute silence. Before now, whenever you woke up, you heard Kevin laughing at himself and making breakfast for everyone. He loved to do that. Now it was silent... dead silent. I walked downstairs and noticed everyone was already awake. But still, no sound. Joe looked at me as I walked down the stairs. A single tear running down his face told me he felt the same as I did. My mother was crying softly trying not to hide it. Frank wasn't even here. I still couldn't help but think this was my fault.  
"I'm so sorry you guys..." I whispered.  
"What? What are you talking about Nicholas?" my mother asked.  
"It's my fault. my fault he's gone, if only I would have just stayed home like he said, maybe he would still be-" I started but was soon cut off.  
"It's no one's fault Nick. Things like this happen. We just have to move on in life" my father was now hugging me.  
"You don't understand!" I said while starting to cry," it is my fault! He came after me because I wanted to go away! If I just would have stayed, this wouldn't be happening!!" I said as the pain began to come back.  
"For the last time Nick, it's not your fault!" Joe yelled.  
"That's what you don't understand Joe, it is my fault!" I practically screamed.  
"Please, Nicholas go to your room. Settle down." my mother said quietly.  
"No!! I will not settle down until I pay for what I have done!" I yelled and stormed out the door.  
I began running. I still didn't know to where. I just ran. I ran for 15 minutes before I was sure far enough away. I sat down on the sidewalk, it was getting dark. My mother would be worried. I shouldn't have to put her through so much pain. When didn't deserve this. I quickly deleted this thought from my head. Soon after, I noticed train tracks behind me, just below the hill. I heard it. It was coming. Maybe I would just end it now. My sorry life could be over in an instant. But what would my brother think? Or my mother? Father? I would be out of misery, but they would be in more. Who was I kidding? I needed to do this. The train was quickly approaching my destination. The train was now 15 ft in front of me.  
I jumped into the tracks, and closed my eyes shut tightly, hoping there would be no more pain

Heard my name being called from behind me.  
"Nick!! Don't do this!" she yelled.

It was Miley. My girlfriend. The love of my life, I was leaving her behind. Quickly I jumped off the tracks and raced up the hill until I stood in front of her. I grabbed her and pulled her into a tight hug.

"Nick what were you doing?!" She yelled there were tears in her eyes.

"I don't know. I was just mad and didn't want to feel pain anymore." I sighed.

"So you wanted to kill yourself!? For something you didn't do? Nick you know Kevin's death wasn't your fault..." she said.

I looked at her wet eyes and couldn't help but cry a little my self. Tears fell so quickly she didn't know what to do. So I just sat on the ground and hugged myself tightly.

"That's the problem, Miley. I think it was my fault. I don't think I can live with myself anymore." I said calmly.

"Ok Nick, I know you're mad and all. But seriously, get over it you know?! It's not your fault!" she raised her voice at me.

"It is though!!!" I yelled back.

"I know losing a brother is hard, but get a hold of yourself and give up! Kevin is not coming back, never will come back! So you might as well get over it now, you have better things Nick, like me!" she took pride in her voice.

I couldn't control myself. She was making me lose my temper way too fast. I was going over the edge.

"Nick seriously! I'm probably better than Kevin anyw-" she started, but I lost control and slapped her hard across the face.

"Don't you EVER speak about my brother like that again" I said walking away from her. I was ten feet away when I turned again and saw her face looking worried, "Yes, we're OVER Miley." I said calmly and kept on walking. I went home and sat on my bed. Joe knocked and told me it was time for dinner, but I couldn't eat. I picked up my guitar and started strumming a tune. Before I knew it, I had part of a song written down. It said what I was feeling, what I wanted. Everything I was thinking. I folded the paper up and lay down on my bed. I stared at the ceiling for over 2 hours. My family went to bed early, and I was sitting alone. I thought to myself, maybe I should just leave. Leave everything behind me. That was it. I needed to leave.

I packed my necessities in one backpack. Couple shirts, pants, and some food. I put the folded song on my bed, hoping someone would find it by tomorrow. I tip-toed downstairs and said goodbye one last time. I walked out the door and hopefully...

for the last time.


End file.
